


three hearts beating under my roof

by icanthelpbut_love_you



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e19 Aku Cinta Kamu, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Magnus thinks about family, POV Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 05:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18613771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icanthelpbut_love_you/pseuds/icanthelpbut_love_you
Summary: He can see whirlwind days filled with the sound of a baby’s cries, fawning over tiny onesies, trips to the park, splatters of paint and spaghetti and god knows what else on the walls of their apartment, falling exhausted into bed with Alexander after dealing with pre-bedtime tantrums. Falling asleep with the father of his child.It’s true that Magnus had never thought about being a father. But now thanks to Alec, it’s all he can think about.





	three hearts beating under my roof

**Author's Note:**

> This scene absolutely wrecked me so naturally I had to find some way to channel that. The result? This fic, in which Magnus experiences every single human emotion all at once.
> 
> Title is from ‘Three Hearts Beating’ by Alex Clare

Magnus probably looks like an idiot. He’s walking down the streets of New York, a dopey smile breaking through every so often before he stifles it, only to catch himself smiling widely again as soon as his attention shifts even slightly.

By rights Madzie should be the one with the dorky grin on her face after wheedling permission for sprinkles (despite Alec’s half-hearted protests). But instead, she walks quietly between them, contently licking at her ice cream, and Magnus is the one standing there _beaming_ every few seconds.

He can’t help it. One would think, after all these months, he would stop being quite so surprised by Alec. As if he ever could be though, when Alec has evidently made it his mission to see Magnus become the first warlock in recorded history to go into cardiac arrest.

 _A family_.

God, it’s thrown him for an absolute loop. The fact that Alec wants that with him is unbelievable enough, but what’s really shaken Magnus is the way he said it. As though it’s no big deal. As though he hasn’t just casually brought Magnus’ entire world screeching to a stop. By the way it just slipped out without a second thought it’s clearly something he’s thought about before, though it’s not at all like the first time he told Magnus he loved him or either time he asked to move in. In those cases he’d been obviously building to something in the minutes preceding, the conversation clearly geared towards a purpose and Alec shiftily skirting the point while gathering his courage. Alec is just about the least subtle person Magnus knows, so by now Magnus has at least started to be able to identify the signs that Alec is preparing himself to say something that will sweep Magnus’ feet from under him. It doesn’t make whatever confession follows any less earth-shattering, but it does give Magnus some valuable forewarning to allow him to brace himself a little.

But this? This had been an off-handed comment, and all the more devastating for it. Just a matter-of-fact observation, never mind the implication that starting a family with Magnus is something Alec _casually thinks about_. The utter certainty that had been palpable in the words is just another thing that Magnus is in no way equipped to deal with. 

It’s probably not even a long-term kind of thought, he realises, toeing a line uncomfortably close to hysteria. Shadowhunters marry young and start popping out little shadowhunter babies as soon as possible before one of them can be taken out by a demon in some doubtless unsavoury manner. So if this is something Alec has been thinking about… he’s more than likely thinking not-so-distant future.

It should make him feel stifled, or at the very least a little skittish. Magnus is by no means averse to commitment (quite the opposite, it doesn’t really need to be said at this point that he falls harder and faster than is often advisable), but there’s always a lingering fear that he’ll come on too strong or let too much vulnerability show and get tossed to the gutter without a second glance. It’s a fear he’s starting realise is definitely irrational given how much Alec seems to be coming on just as strong, but centuries of failed relationships and lovers citing Magnus being ‘too much’ as the reason leaves its mark. 

But somehow this makes him feel anything but stifled. Alec’s words have his face warming, blushing like the lovesick teenager he hasn’t been in countless years, giddiness making his head spin like the pleasant buzz of a few too many martinis.

He’d meant it, when he said to Alec that he’d never even considered being a father. He has the young downworlders he’s taken under his wing over the years and that was enough for him. Even without the underlying terror that despite his best efforts he’d take after his own father and irreparably damage any children unfortunate enough to be saddled with him, actual fatherhood simply not something he’d let himself think he could have. Sure the modern era is different in so many ways from the centuries preceding it, the latest decade in particular bringing with it scientific possibilities previously inconceivable. It’s just taking Magnus, and most warlocks he knows, a little longer to catch up.

Even Catarina, with her front row seat to the wonders of modern medicine, is the first to admit that before Madzie she’d never really thought kids were in the cards for her. For crying out loud, at the turn of the century even adoption was practically out of the question for anyone but the select few who fit the rigid mould of what a perfect nuclear family should look like. And sure, abandoned warlock babies turn up – it’s an inevitable tragedy once their mundane parents notice their mark – but with a few rare exceptions that usually goes one of two ways: being taken in by the Silent Brothers and eventually palmed off to a warlock mentor (as was the case for Magnus), or bouncing from warlock to warlock in an it-takes-a-village kind of arrangement. Warlocks aren’t exactly known for settling down, after all. Neither option is particularly conducive for a stable childhood or any strong familial ties, hence why both the idea of found family and that of foregoing human connection entirely are equally prevalent and vie for popularity in the community. 

When you live for so long, Magnus has found that it’s incredibly easy to fall intp old patterns of thinking without really noticing. It’s hard to shake centuries of assuming you can never father a child, especially when the idea is so deeply entrenched in warlock culture that it’s almost a point of identity. Bastard demon fathers, demonic marks kept mostly glamoured, and inability to bear children. Three fundamental, immutable truths that they all share. 

Eyes softening, he glances down at Madzie as she slips her hand unobtrusively into his. She’s finished her ice cream now, sprinkles smeared impressively around her face, and is currently focused intently on capturing Alec’s hand too as he pretends not to notice. It’s a wonder, Magnus contemplates, how far she’s come – leaps and bounds from the terrified little girl they’d first met, manipulated by Iris and Valentine in turn. She’s still tentative at times, liable to spook in unfamiliar settings, but around people she trusts (and Magnus is honestly touched to be considered among that select group) she’s enthusiastic and even a little cheeky.

Caught off-guard, Magnus stumbles when Madzie leans back slightly before launching herself into the air, swinging on his and Alec’s arms. On instinct, he lifts his hand to raise her higher and see’s Alec do the same, Madzie giggling uncontrollably as she lands before gearing up to do it all over again. Maybe more than a little cheeky then.

He catches sight of Alec’s face as he lifts his arms for the next swing and the giddiness, temporarily forgotten, is back in full force. Alec’s hazel eyes sparkle and crinkle with laughter at Madzie’s antics, face completely unguarded as he smiles an unrestrained smile, and Magnus basks in the joy of being one of the very few people allowed to see him like this. Alec brings his free hand around to poke at Madzie’s ribs, making her shriek, as always so perfectly at ease with her. 

Like a vision, Magnus can see their future together unfolding before him in a way he’s never thought to imagine before. He can see whirlwind days filled with the sound of a baby’s cries, fawning over tiny onesies, trips to the park, splatters of paint and spaghetti and god knows what else on the walls of their apartment, falling exhausted into bed with Alexander after dealing with pre-bedtime tantrums. Falling asleep with the father of his child.

He wonders briefly what would piss the Clave off more: one of their own (a child of the Head of the New York Institute nonetheless) being co-raised by a warlock, or their precious Head of the Institute fathering a warlock child. What would cause the most pearl-clutching back in Idris? A young shadowhunter called Bane, or a warlock bearing the Lightwood name?

It’s an incredibly petty thought, but he can’t bring himself to feel guilty when he has a sneaking suspicion Alec would get just as much satisfaction from it.

Apparently, Alec’s words (as is their disconcerting habit) have gone straight to his head, breaking a dam he didn’t even realise he’d built. Now the thoughts are positively pouring out, flooding his mind with all these things he didn’t even know he wanted but abruptly yearns for regardless. 

When Madzie quickly loses interest in using their arms as bungee ropes and breaks away from Alec’s relentless tickling to skip a few metres ahead, Magnus sneaks another look at Alec only to find his boyfriend already watching him. There’s an indecipherable emotion filling his gaze, one that looks exactly how Magnus feels every time he sees Alec with Madzie, a mixture of adoration and longing tinged with something suspiciously like hope. It aches in his chest in a way that’s just this side of painful and he’s helpless to do anything but reach for Alec’s hand with barely-controlled desperation. It’s overwhelming at times, how much he loves this man. 

For once he’s at a loss for how to convey to Alec exactly how much his words have affected him, knows that if he tries he’ll only default to light-hearted deflections and that is really not what he wants to do right now. So in lieu of actual words he resorts to tightening his grip on Alec, as if he can somehow channel the unspeakable depth of emotion roiling within him through their joined hands. Alec squeezes back just as tight in response. At the feeling of Alec’s thumb rubbing soothing circles against his knuckles, Magnus feels his lips twitch up (and there’s that irrepressible smile again that he can’t manage to hold in) and the desperate ache settle slightly into something warm and comforting.

A family _with Alexander_. 

He could get used to that idea.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and yell with me on tumblr (@icanthelpbut-love-you)


End file.
